June 2, 2009


So, I found out today that another friend of mine is pregnant with baby #2! How exciting! It is crazy to me that I am at "that age" where my friends and I are getting married and having kids. What really seals that realization of how OLD I am is that this past weekend we went to a graduation open house for a kid I babysat all through middle school and high school. I started sitting for him when he was 3. This funny, cute little tow-headed kid is now a polite, handsome, tow-headed adult.

But back to the baby #2 thing. My dear friend J, who I truly see as the ultimate mom, is the first to have baby #2 on the way; she's due this summer. J is my hero in a lot of ways. She dealt with some tough times with baby #1, but came through them with flying colors. If I need parenting advice, she is the first person I turn to. So when I heard that she was expecting baby #2, I was not suprised. If anyone can do it, she can. Seriously. But then I was talking to a few other friends who are moms and they ALL said how they already wanted a second kid. Now, one of those friends is expecting baby #2 in January! I am the only one of my friends with kids who does not feel ready for a second child. And I am feeling a bit self-conscious this. I worry about what this says about me as a mom. Am I less capable? Less compassionate? Less patient? I mean yes, I do want a second child....someday. But I cannot imagine having two spirited, independent, actively curious children under the age of 2. or 3. or maybe even 4. I love Audia more than words, and being her mom brings me an immeasurable amount of joy. But I feel like my hands are full with just her. She wants to go EVERYWHERE. If we put up a gate, she stands at it and cries, even if the room she's in is filled with new toys she's never seen before. So gates aren't an option. And she gets into EVERYTHING. If I stop her from getting into something, she shreiks and whines and cries until I let her get into it. Diversion hardly works anymore. Add to that the fact that she's now walking more than she's crawling, potentially starting to teethe again, and has started waking up at 5 am. I simply cannot imagine dealing with this and a 2 year old. Or 3 year old. Or maybe even a 4 year old. Now don't get me wrong...I am not complaining about Audia. As I said, I love being her mom. I honestly feel like it is my purpose in life, to be her mom. My point is simply that she is enough for me right now. But the fact that everyone else is or wants to be onto baby #2 makes me feel guilty. Granted we are the only parents I know who are following the attachment parenting route, so that might have something to do with it. I don't get self-conscious about much these days, but the fact that I am no where near ready for baby #2 and so many of my friends are makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong.



Who says I'm READY to have a baby??!?!? Girl, I have anxiety attacks every day just thinking about how life is going to be with two crazy mini-Matts running around:-) If you remember correctly, this little bundle in my belly was a SURPRISE;-) But I guess what I learned with all my struggles with Abby is that you just deal. You have no choice but to survive...and that's what I plan to do when this baby comes.

Seriously, you are too sweet to me. Way to make a pregnant girl get all teary-eyed. You are a great mother, Erica, and you put so much time and effort into your parenting, of course it is exhausting. You think through EVERYTHING too (and just like me, maybe overthink things a bit) all because you love your little one so much. If anything, I think you are so satisfied with your life right now and your role as a mother that you can't imagine why you'd mess with a good thing. In a way, I'm glad that this pregnancy came as a surprise and that I didn't have a chance to really overthink things because I had finally gotten to the point where I was comfortable with my role as a mother and didn't want to get pregnant for awhile (go figure). I may never have gotten around to getting pregnant again;-)

Don't be hard on yourself at all. Audia's at a fun yet exhausting age where everything is changing. Enjoy her and all the curve balls she is throwing you and don't stress and definitly don't feel guilty about not being ready for another one just yet. I'm CERTAINLY not ready...ooops.

Sarah Lilly

You are NOT doing anything wrong, don't be silly! I wanted a second baby for sure but there are moments when I freak out and think, how the heck am I gonna do this with TWO!?! So it's not just you that has these thoughts. You are a great mom and everyone needs to do things at their own rate and time, don't be so hard on yourself!