Callen's First Birthday

One year ago today, I went from the most difficult (by a landslide) of my two pregnancies to the easiest (by a landslide) of my two labors and deliveries and gave birth to a big, beautiful baby boy.

Since that day, Callen has enriched our lives in so very many ways. He is proving to be much like his sister in that he always seems to do things his own way, though in many ways he is the Yin to his sister's Yang. Their different personalities really complement each other well, and they have become such great playmates, with a friendship that I feel so blessed to be able to watch blossom.

In the past four weeks, Callen has started saying 'hi' regularly, saying 'bye' when he waves bye-bye, saying 'ma-ma' and 'da-da,' signing 'more,' giving kisses, clapping his hands, dancing, getting off of the couches all by himself, and drinking out of a sippy cup.

This past weekend we had a little birthday party for Cal. Even though he skipped his afternoon nap, there were no meltdowns or tears shed; he was quite a trooper, and really seemed to enjoy himself!

I designed Callen's birthday invite from scratch using some ocean-themed clip art that I purchased. I used the clip art to also make a Happy Birthday banner (which I forgot to photograph. Boo!), a 'first year' banner (seen below), and to give to our favorite bakery for his cake (also seen below). My parents were gracious and let us use their house and beautiful back yard for what will hopefully be the last time (we are moving July 1st into a house that will actually be large enough so we can host our own parties! Yay!)

The invite

Wuollet Bakery does it again!

First year photo banner

Playing with Grandpa Mustache

With Daddy and Grandpa Mustache

With Daddy and Nana

Sissy did a great job of helping Callen open his presents

Showing Callen how his new CAT toy works

Audia loves to help with the clean up....I really hope this trait sticks!

Callen knew how to make 'Danny the Dinosaur' rock right away!

Our happy birthday boy!

2 Weeks

TWO WEEKS! I can't believe how fast the past 14 days have flown. Having Chris home the past two weeks has been such a treat. He really is such a wonderful, hands-on dad and amazing husband. I feel so incredibly lucky to be able to share my life, and our children, with such an incredible person.

Needless to say, I am totally bummed that he's back to work tomorrow. It will certainly be an adjustment for all of us! Luckily this time around we have family that lives super close, so my mom will be able to come help out if and when I need her to.

So far Callen is still a laid back baby. He definitely has his fussy periods, as all newborns do, but something as simple as his being able to sleep in his carseat is such a huge relief for us. I don't think we took Audia on a shopping trip for the first 6 months of her life because she would scream the entire time she was in her carseat. We only went someplace that required driving when we absolutely had to. If we needed to go shopping, only one of us would go. At the time, it was life as we knew it. This time around, it's not really an option to not take Callen anywhere, so his being "carseat friendly" (for lack of a better term) is beyond exciting. We've been able to get out to do things practically every day without any issue and he has slept through every single trip we've taken him on. I still brace myself for screaming every time we put him in the carseat, but hopefully that reflex will diminish with time. ;-)

We were lucky enough to be able to book a quick family portrait session with my friend, Megan, of Megan Norman Photography. As you can see, she is incredibly talented. I highly recommend her to anyone in MN looking for a portrait or event photographer!

Callen's been spending more and more time alert every day. I had forgotten how much newborns sleep!! It is so fun to see him trying to figure out the world around him. He loves to look at his sister, and watches her with the type of wonderment that can only be attributed to babies.

Audia still seems to be handling the whole thing pretty well. She definitely has had some struggles with adjusting to not having 100% of our attention on her 100% of the time, but thankfully she directs her frustrations at us (mainly by taking on the attitude of a disgruntled 13 year old) and not at her brother. She still is so sweet with Callen, giving him kisses and hugs and snuggles, and singing to him whenever he's fussing. She absolutely adores her brother. Check out the candid shots Chris got of her and him yesterday.

Overall, I would definitely say the vividity of the discomfort I was feeling the past 3 months of my pregnancy is already fading. It's certainly true that the mind...well, at least my mind....has a way of painting over the ugly parts of experiences and focusing on the good. I already am thinking I'd be willing to go through it all again. How could you not, when you get to snuggle and love on these two precious kiddos every single day??

He's Here!

After nine months of waiting and wondering and worrying and hoping, our little squeaker, Callen James, was born on June 11th, 2011 at 5:19 PM, weighing 9lbs, 8oz and measuring 21.5 inches long.

I woke up around 5 am on Saturday and was unable to fall back asleep (not an anomally at this point in my pregnancy.) so I got up and putzed around online for a while. Around 5:15 I started having contractions that were significantly different from the Braxton Hicks that I had been having for week (it is definitely true, at least for me, that you just know when you're in labor.), so I started timing them and they were 5 minutes apart off the bat. After about 45 minutes, I called the doc on call and was told to go to the hospital. We dropped Audia off at my parents house and made our way to the hospital, where they monitored me for about an hour and a half before admitting me. While my progression was very slow, my contractions were regular and with VBACs they don't take any chances.
To say that this labor and delivery were different from my first would be an enormous understatement. It was night and day! With Audia, things progressed slowly, then extremely quickly, and then stalled for 6 hours before ending in a cesarean. They had to break my water, the epidural only worked on half of my body, and Audia got stuck in a "sunny side-up" position, which caused me to get stuck at 9.5 cm and hyper-contract for 6 hours. With Callen, things progressed slowly but steadily. My water broke on it's own, the epidural worked the way it is supposed to, and I labored for a total of 11 hours and pushed for 40 minutes. While I would never describe labor and delivery over all as being an easy thing to do or go through, comparitively, this time around it was a piece of cake. I would go as far as to say that I actually enjoyed it. I was actually able to enjoy my time in the hospital, to nap, to watch tv, to laugh and joke around with my husband.....all things that after about hour 2 with Audia's labor, were completely out of the question. And the recovery, of course, has been a dream comparitively. Of course I am stiff and sore, but I was able to get up out of bed on my own without assistance a mere couple of hours after delivering! Compare that to about 2 and a half days with the cesarean. Not to mention there are no restrictions on how much I can lift, or on driving, or pain when I laugh, cough, or sneeze.....If you can't tell, I am thrilled-beyond thrilled-that I was able to have a successful VBAC (and that, as a result, I can definitely deliver vaginally in the future!)

As for Callen, he is absolutely perfect! He is just a perfect little peanut, and we are all (Audia included) completely in love with him. He's been a champion eater and pooper from the get go, and so far is a very relaxed baby. Audia came to see us at the hospital on Sunday morning, and from the get go has been an absolutely amazing sister to him. She is so gentle, and interested, and in adoration of her baby brother! She calles him "my baby Callen" and she gives him her toys, talks to him, snuggles him, and gives him hugs and kisses. She loves to help us with him, and to hold him in her lap. I was really worried that once we got him home, she would quickly tire of, and become jealous of the attention we are giving him. Thankfully, so far she's seeming to take everything in stride, and while of course there are moments that she wants us to put him down to pick her up or to drop what we are doing to play with her, she has overall been very understanding and patient. An ideal big sister to say the least!

Our first couple of days getting to know our little squishy squeaker have been wonderful. So far, Callen is an extremely easy-going baby. He rarely wakes, let alone fusses, when we put him in his basinette, and he was perfectly content in his car seat the entire ride home from the hospital (much unlike his sister, who hated being restrained in any way, shape, or form pretty much from the day she was born.) He, of course, still has his days and his nights mixed up, and Chris and I are trying to remember how to work shifts with breastfeeding, but the truth is I'd much rather be snuggling with my little man than sleeping anyhow. I had forgotton how insanely soft and squishy newborns are! Audia still has super soft skin, but newborn skin takes soft to a whole new level. And then those are those short, fleeting periods of 5-10 minutes when he is awake and alert and obviously trying to figure out where the heck he is and what is going on....those melt-your-heart moments where he meets your gaze and holds it. Not to mention watching him sleep and seeing all the funny faces he makes when he's dreaming. Needless to say, we are definitely in a state of euphorically sleepless new-baby bliss. Welcome, baby Callen! We are so happy that you are finally here!!

39 Weeks

39 weeks yesterday. And what a week it's been! Lots of changes and big decisions being made at our house, though some will need to be kept under wraps for another day or two. But, still no Callen. I had my 39 week appointment today and have had no progress since Thursday. Plenty of braxton hicks contractions, but apparently they are not doing much of anything, which is frustrating to say the least. Chris and I spent a while after my appointment deliberating over whether or not we want to wait another week or keep our scheduled C-section for tomorrow. Ultimately, we decided to wait another week. I really, really, really do not want to have surgery if we can avoid it, and both my pubic symphysis and SI pain has been managable for the past week, so I would rather wait it out and hope he comes on his own than have surgery and the 6 week recovery that goes along with it. That said, June 15th is the ultimate deadline for his arrival at this point. Hopefully he'll come before then.
This waiting and wondering and hoping surrounding not only the when but the how of Callen's arrival combined with the waiting and hoping and weighing of options surrounding this other potential big change in our lives has me more exhausted emotionally than I can even begin to say. Ultimately, everything is for the best, and I am very grateful that everything on both fronts is going as well as it is, but that doesn't change the fact that my patience is being tested to the most extreme extent it probably ever has before. Too bad I can't go to sleep and wake up when it's all over!

38 Weeks

So I was 38 weeks yesterday. Here's a photo of me now.

And here's one when I was 38 weeks with Audia.

At this point I've gained 40 lbs (*GASP!*) But I am still only ten pounds heavier now than I was when I was 8 weeks with Audia. And, I gained 42 lbs when I was pregnant with Audia, so I'm not worried about it (nor is my doctor.)

Thankfully, the pain has been decreasing daily since I injured my pubic symphysis, and I can actually walk with more stiffness than pain these days. I am hopeful that when I go in for my appointment on Thursday, we'll be able to cancel the scheduled ceserean and change it to a scheduled induction, but we'll see. We got a ton of cleaning/rearranging/purging done this weekend so I am feeling even more ready and anxious for Callen's arrival. I know I've said it before, but it is so funny how much more relaxed I am feeling about everything this time around. We'll see how relaxed I am in a few weeks, though, right?

So close and yet so far....

Well, Callen officially reached 'full term' status on Monday (which was, coincidentally, also my birthday.) So, from here on out he is technically good to go anytime he decides to grace us with his presence. To say that I am eager for his arrival is a vast understatement. As of Tuesday, the vastness of that understatement has been multiplied by about 5,000.

I have both read and been told by multiple doctors that ligament laxity issues are more common among taller women. Add to that my own personal inclination towards having lax ligaments when not pregnant, and I guess in some ways getting pregnant is just asking for trouble. Of course that's not going to stop me from wanting to and having a family, but it does make a little voice in my head say "Stop your whining. You knew this was a possibility." And, truth be told, even going through this in the moment, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. There is no pain in the world that is not worth experiencing for the joy of having children. That said, I apparently have managed to now injure my pubic symphysis. How? By bending over to fix my shoe. I know; talented, aren't I?

So, my SI issues, which have actually been much better in the past week, have now been replaced by the inability to move my legs independently from one another without pain. Everything from getting into and out of bed to rolling over to putting on my pants to walking hurts.  My doc says that this type of injury can take months to heal simply due to where it is and the fact that you use your pubic symphysis for so much. Delivery should help with the pain and healing because then I won't have the weight of baby and the super-laxity of my joints to compound the problem. If I were working, she would put me on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy simply due to my extremely limited mobility. She added that because I am having a VBAC, I can't be induced, so she will tentatively schedule a C-section for the 6th with hopes that I will go into labor on my own before then.

The hardest part of all of this for me is the combination of not being able to do anything to fix the problem and not knowing when it'll all be over. I feel better having a solid date on the calendar; I've said all along that I would much rather have the time to emotionally prepare for a repeat C-section than to have to have another emergency surgery, but at the same time there is a huge disappointment that there is a chance that I won't be able to have a VBAC. On the flip side, I could go into labor tonight for all I know. I realize that the 6th is only two and a half weeks out....it's not that long in the grand scheme of things. But for me, it feels like forever. Mainly because I feel like the theme of this pregnancy has been pain-induced limited mobility.

Add to that the extreme guilt because I literally cannot take my sweetheart of a daughter outside to play, and I am an emotional wreck. With the SI issues, at least I could wear the belt and monitor how much time I was spending walking around to try to keep the pain that I would feel the following day to a minimum. With this, walking itself is painful so there's no doing something one day knowing that I will have to pay for it the next day....the pain is immediate, limiting my mobility even more than before. I can't even begin to explain how hard it is for me to have to explain to Audia for the fifth time today that yes, honey, it is a nice day outside, but Mommy can't walk so we have to stay inside. Thankfully my mom is close by if I need her, but with her physical limitations I would rather only use her help when I really truly need it, like when I go into labor and once Callen is here.

Dearest Callen, please come soon........

Third Trimester Infirmity

As per usual, I hesitate to complain, here or elsewhere. Typically when I'm ill or feeling grumpy, I keep my complaints to myself and to those closest to me. But I have a threshold where, when reached, I feel like I need to vent. The logical part of me hates this side of myself. Complaining really doesn't get me anywhere, and I know it. I absolutely know that I am luckier than many, that there are a lot of people who have it far worse off than I do, and that I should count my blessings. And I do. I am immensely grateful for everything that I do have. I am immensely grateful that things aren't worse than they are. That said, I literally can barely move at the moment. Every time I shift my weight, or try to get up or sit down, or god forbid, try to walk, I feel like someone is twisting a knife into my SI joint. I have a fairly high threshold for pain, but this pain actually catches my breath. The narcotic pain reliever that my doctor prescribed when I started experiencing these problems (and which, for the record, I only take when it gets this bad) isn't even touching the pain. The stretches that worked in my first and second trimesters do nothing because my belly is too large for me to do them properly. Heat and ice do nothing. The SI belt that I purchased, while I do think it helps to a degree, obviously doesn't help enough. I am, practically speaking, immobile. And what did I do to bring on this level of discomfort? I went to the mall. For about 2 hours. That, my friends, is all. A simple trip to the mall with Chris and Audia yesterday has rendered me entirely immobile for 24 hours now. 
You read in pregnancy "guide" books that the third trimester is the hardest, and while I agreed with that statement in my first pregnancy, this pregnancy makes the first seem like a cake walk. I by no means want Callen to be born before he is ready to be born. But I am beyond ready for him to be ready. I am so done with not being able to do the normal, day-to-day things that I want to be doing. And I am feeling so guilty that Audia is essentially as home-bound as I am these days. Not to mention that today is Chris' birthday and we can't go out to do anything to celebrate because I can barely walk.

One month left. One month left. One month left......

30 weeks

I've said it a few times already, but I seriously can't believe how fast this pregnancy seems to be speeding by compared to my first. I'm already 3/4 of the way done, and that's assuming Callen sticks to his due date! (I have a gut feeling that he'll be early.) I am sure that a lot of it is because of how busy my life is with Audia, but I think part of it is also because I've been through it before. It is amazing how much more relaxed I am about things this time around, especially considering the fact that this pregnancy has been significantly harder for me physically. I can only imagine how much more relaxed I'll be in parenting Callen vs. Audia.

So, here I am at 30 weeks with Callen.

And here I was at 28 weeks with Audia.

Yah. BIG difference. I still, at 30 weeks, have not reached the weight I was at my 8 week appointment with Audia.

I've finished all of the projects that I wanted to get done before Callen's arrival well in advance of when I thought I would. I finally finished his blanket.

And I painted a canvas to put above his crib.

Audia, of course, wanted a canvas for her room, too, which I also did.

So now I'm out of projects 9 weeks ahead of schedule and am itching to find something new to tackle! Any suggestions? Having had something to keep my craft monster well-fed every day at nap time for the past 7 months, I suddenly feel lost without anything to work on!

In other news, Monday was the first time that we had to bring Audia into the doctor for an emergency consult. Considering that she's 2.5, and how distracted (I am trying very hard not to use the word c-l-u-t-z)she can be while running, that's pretty amazing. She tripped and nose-dove into the bench of a picnic table and I was certain that she broke her nose. No blood, but severe swelling and a healthy dose of bruising immediately after it happened. Luckily, the doc doesn't think it's broken, and though she said it would look worse before it looked better, it was looking much less bruised yesterday and today you can hardly tell that anything happened.

Spring finally seems to be shoving winter aside for good, so we have some fun outdoor stuff planned for the rest of the week and this weekend. Photos to follow :-)

Callen James

So, we finally decided on a name! Choosing a boy's name was a lot harder for us than choosing a girls name. Chris liked names that I was so-so on and visa versa. It kind of felt like we'd never agree on anything! I know there are a lot of people who like to wait until the baby is born and see what he or she looks like before deciding on a name. I am obviously not one of those people. Babies change so so quickly in what they look like; I think that whatever name you decide on, you impart upon the child. That said, it was quite a relief when we found a name we both really liked. I am not even sure how we came up with it; it isn't on any baby names list that I've seen; we were just discussing names we liked and didn't like and why and it popped up. So Callen he is!

Here is a side-by-side comparison of me at 24 weeks with Audia (with my dear friend Shaunie, who is also preggers right now! So exciting!) and at 24 weeks with Callen.

Obviously I was a LOT heavier when I was pregnant with Audia (not to mention the TERRIBLE haircut. Don't get me started on that!) I still have not yet reached the weight I was at at my 8 week appointment with Audia....this is a very good thing in many ways: Obviously it's a lot easier on my body, I don't have to watch what I eat as carefully, I can move around a lot more easily, and I can actually still wear my rings! But, it is also a little frustrating because I have to buy all new maternity clothes this time around.... something I admittedly rue doing. I hate spending money on something I know I'll only be able to wear for 5 or 6 more months. I am the type of person who wears my clothes out (I still wear t-shirts from middle school as pajama tops!), so buying something that I can't really get much use out of irks me. And do you know how hard it is to find maternity pants with a 34" or 36" inseam?? Bah.

I'll be 25 weeks tomorrow, and as of right now things are going pretty smoothly. I still get out of breath and tired a lot more easily than I'm used to, and there are of course the usual aches and pains especially when I've been out and about quite a bit, but for the most part things are great. Callen is much more active at this point than either Chris or I remember Audia being. When he moves around, you can almost always see it, and sometimes he kicks so hard that it actually makes me gasp. Considering how strong Audia was when she was born, I have to admit I am a bit worried as to what Callen's capabilities will be when he is born. Fingers crossed he isn't crawling by 4 months or something crazy like that!

*UPDATE* Some people have asked why we chose James as a middle name. Both Chris and his father have James as a middle name, just like both my mom and I have the same middle name. It only made sense that since Audia shares our middle name, Callen should share theirs :-)

Exciting News

We had our anatomy ultrasound today, and to our delight (but not our surprise,) discovered that we are indeed having a little boy! Chris and I couldn't be more thrilled to have our suspicions confirmed. I have always hoped for at least one of each, and to have that come to fruition with our first two children is fantastic. That isn't to say there will or won't be more children to come....we are taking it one kid at a time :-)

Our little dude is healthy as can be, and aside from his legs (which are a week and 3 days "ahead of the curve") is measuring perfectly normally for my due date. Now we just have to pick a name for him! I will admit that we are having a much more difficult time finding boy names that we like than we did finding girl names, but there are a couple we've been discussing and we still have a while to figure that out.

This pregnancy has seemed to FLY by compared to my pregnancy with Audia. I cannot believe that I am already past the halfway point! Having a toddler to keep us busy and preoccupied has a lot to do with that, I am sure! This pregnancy has also been quite a bit easier on my figure and on my appearance; I was already overweight when I got pregnant with Audia, so when I started to get bloated and gain weight, I ballooned out like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. This time around, I was at a MUCH healthier weight to begin with (38 lbs lighter!) and my weight gain seems to be slower, and thankfully pretty much sticking to my belly. I also have experienced quite a bit less acne this time, though that may be due to the acne regimen that I've been using for a bit over a year now.

We are so excited to meet our little guy! And Audia still (thankfully!) seems really excited to be a big sister. If any of you have any suggestions for unique/unusual boy baby names, I'm all ears!

New Year 2011

New Years is not a big deal to me. I understand people's desire to feel like they're shedding old skin and "starting fresh" because of the New Year, but the overly logical part of me also kind of rolls my eyes. It's a number on a calendar. December 31st has never felt like it's in some other book or chapter than January 1st for me. I'm more inclined to embrace the feeling of changing and shedding skin when spring rolls around, because that's when change is actually physically happening in nature. But that's just me. So, no New Year's resolutions (I make resolutions year round as I think I need them,) and no huge epiphanies or anything. New Years this year was a great reason to have another three day weekend with my hubby and to relax after the hubbub of Christmas.

We spent much of New Years Eve with our friends N, D, A, and baby M, who were in town. We took the girls to an indoor playground in the morning and went to lunch afterwards.Then that evening we had a delicious (traditional) New Year's Eve dinner of lobster tail and steak with my parents and left Audia at their house for a sleepover while we joined N and D for what was supposed to be an evening of good conversation and board games. The good conversation took place, but as soon as we broke out the board games, my mom called because Audia decided that she's "Not gonna sleep at this house!" So our evening of fun with N and D was cut short as we had to go pick up the munchkin and bring her home. Of course she conked out the second we got home. She woke up the next morning with a full-fledged cold, which she is only now getting over. Chris and I made the best of the evening, though, by doing something we haven't done in AGES. We watched a movie! *gasp!* LOL. I know, right? Big whoop. But I've been going to bed around 9 since Li'l Widget has been brewing in my belly, so movie nights have kind of been cut out of our lives.

Saturday and Sunday were spend taking care of our poor sick munchkin, taking down Christmas decorations, cleaning, hanging pictures, and moving furniture around so that we will have room in our bedroom for a crib in a few months. Of course we did some lounging and playing too.

Sunday was the first day that I felt our Li'l Widget move. And he (yes, I still think it's a boy...only one more month until we know for sure!!) has been tap-tap-tapping in my belly ever since. It's funny because with Audia, the first movements I felt were more like flutters, and then as she got larger it turned into tapping and then full-fledged punching, stretching, and kicking. But Widget has skipped the flutter stage and gone straight to the tapping. Audia was very "ahead of the game" physically in that she could hold her own head up on the day she was born, so I wonder if this means Widget will be the same way, or even more advanced than Audia was. Only time will tell!

My baby belly has "popped" much earlier than it did with Audia. Below is a photo of me at 16 weeks.

I didn't even start taking photos of my belly with Audia until I was 20-something weeks along, so I probably won't take any more belly photos until I can line them up with my Audia belly photos.

I've gone to Physical Therapy a couple of times for my sacroiliac joint pain, and my therapist taught me a few stretches and exercises that have essentially taken care of the pain. As soon as I start to feel a twinge, I do some more stretches and presto! Pain is gone. I haven't taken any pain killers in two weeks, which is beyond a blessing. She's also prescribed an "SI belt", which is a special belt that I can wear on days I know I'll be doing a lot more (aka cleaning or shopping) than normal. I wear it under my clothes and it keeps the sacroiliac joints from moving more than they should, which is what has been causing me pain. Needless to say I am extremely happy to be able to move normally again, and without the assistance of pain medication.

A few people have asked me why I've been calling the new baby "Li'l Widget." There was a cartoon in the 80's called "Widget," which was about this little alien dude named...you guessed it....Widget.Well, our first couple of ultrasounds, this little bean has reminded me of Widget. He's got a huge head and a tiny body. Go figure. So Widget he (or she) is. At least until birth. For those of you that have been worried, no, we're not naming our kid Widget. I've essentially left the baby name researching up to Chris this time around. I have one name in mind that I definitely like, but since I did most of the researching (and inventing, eventually) last time, I'm letting him pick names that stand out to him and we can whittle them down together from there.