May 26, 2011

So close and yet so far....

Well, Callen officially reached 'full term' status on Monday (which was, coincidentally, also my birthday.) So, from here on out he is technically good to go anytime he decides to grace us with his presence. To say that I am eager for his arrival is a vast understatement. As of Tuesday, the vastness of that understatement has been multiplied by about 5,000.

I have both read and been told by multiple doctors that ligament laxity issues are more common among taller women. Add to that my own personal inclination towards having lax ligaments when not pregnant, and I guess in some ways getting pregnant is just asking for trouble. Of course that's not going to stop me from wanting to and having a family, but it does make a little voice in my head say "Stop your whining. You knew this was a possibility." And, truth be told, even going through this in the moment, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. There is no pain in the world that is not worth experiencing for the joy of having children. That said, I apparently have managed to now injure my pubic symphysis. How? By bending over to fix my shoe. I know; talented, aren't I?

So, my SI issues, which have actually been much better in the past week, have now been replaced by the inability to move my legs independently from one another without pain. Everything from getting into and out of bed to rolling over to putting on my pants to walking hurts.  My doc says that this type of injury can take months to heal simply due to where it is and the fact that you use your pubic symphysis for so much. Delivery should help with the pain and healing because then I won't have the weight of baby and the super-laxity of my joints to compound the problem. If I were working, she would put me on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy simply due to my extremely limited mobility. She added that because I am having a VBAC, I can't be induced, so she will tentatively schedule a C-section for the 6th with hopes that I will go into labor on my own before then.

The hardest part of all of this for me is the combination of not being able to do anything to fix the problem and not knowing when it'll all be over. I feel better having a solid date on the calendar; I've said all along that I would much rather have the time to emotionally prepare for a repeat C-section than to have to have another emergency surgery, but at the same time there is a huge disappointment that there is a chance that I won't be able to have a VBAC. On the flip side, I could go into labor tonight for all I know. I realize that the 6th is only two and a half weeks's not that long in the grand scheme of things. But for me, it feels like forever. Mainly because I feel like the theme of this pregnancy has been pain-induced limited mobility.

Add to that the extreme guilt because I literally cannot take my sweetheart of a daughter outside to play, and I am an emotional wreck. With the SI issues, at least I could wear the belt and monitor how much time I was spending walking around to try to keep the pain that I would feel the following day to a minimum. With this, walking itself is painful so there's no doing something one day knowing that I will have to pay for it the next day....the pain is immediate, limiting my mobility even more than before. I can't even begin to explain how hard it is for me to have to explain to Audia for the fifth time today that yes, honey, it is a nice day outside, but Mommy can't walk so we have to stay inside. Thankfully my mom is close by if I need her, but with her physical limitations I would rather only use her help when I really truly need it, like when I go into labor and once Callen is here.

Dearest Callen, please come soon........



Hang in there, mama!!! Praying for less pain for you (and that you go into labor TONIGHT!!!:))


Thanks, Chicky! Obviously what I'm going thru is nothing compared to what you went thru with sweet Jakey. And obviously, it's all worth it in the end. I just feel completely defeated at this point...