Imperfection

It's no secret the blog's been on the back burner lately. Some of it is because we've been busy, and I haven't had much free time. But to be honest, most of it is because things have been significantly less than 'perfect' around here and when I have had free time, the last thing I've felt like doing is blogging about the imperfection that is my life. But then I read this. And this. And then this. And finally, this. And I feel a little bit better about admitting to the imperfection. It's not that I think my life, my children, or I should be perfect. But I do have expectations that are regularly let down. There is a perfectionistic side to me that, while I've mostly put her in a box in the closet, likes to poke her head out every once in a while to annoy me. And I frequently catch myself being far more hard on myself about things than I would ever be on anyone else. Which is normal, but only to a degree. And only so often. So I am working on breathing. On being easier on myself. On taking a step back when I feel like I'm floundering. The only person that can control how I percieve a situation is myself. But I am also allowing myself to feel frustrated when I am telling myself I should 'just be grateful.' Everyone is on their own life path, and to compare paths is not only pointless but dangerous. Being a mom is a full time job. There are no breaks. Ever. And I am working on being OK with feeling like it's too much sometimes instead of feeling guilty for it. I know there are people who would give anything to be in my shoes, but that doesn't mean that I should just ignore the blisters. And I know that there is a delicate balance; if you allow too much negativity into your life, you'll become overrun by it. But there cannot be rainbows without rain, so I'm letting in a shower or two here and there. And you know what? I think it's working. I am finding that in allowing myself to feel frustrated or overwhelmed, I get through those feelings more quickly than if I tell myself I shouldn't feel that way and try to stifle them. I am embracing the imperfection. Because really, perfection would be utterly boring.