Struggles

For the most part, I try to keep this blog fairly light. I truly believe that you make your own happiness; that if you expect happiness and joy to come from external things, people, situations, you will never be happy. It is up to each of us as individuals to find the best in everything and it is up to us to make ourselves happy, hopefully making others happy along the way.

That said, there are of course days when I have difficulty finding the positive in a situation. As a mom, there are days that I feel entirely defeated and just want to curl up in a ball and sleep until the day has passed. I think it's normal to have days like this; you can't appreciate the good without experiencing the bad. But, for the most part, I try not to broadcast these days. Whining gets one nowhere, when you really think about it.

However, this is a blog I initially set out to write for my children, thinking that maybe someday when they have little ones of their own, they can read about my experiences in parenting and find some advice, some laughter, some solace. So, if I write only about the good, I feel like to a degree I am selling them short. Parenting, while the best job in the world, is also hard work. And there are days that I feel highly unqualified. Like today.

Audia's been sleeping in her toddler bed since September. The transition went much more smoothly than expected, and for the most part she's been a good sleeper. There were a few weeks at the beginning of the year where she was waking up wanting to get into bed with us a couple of times a night, and also a week where she wouldn't stay in bed when we put her to bed, but she seemed to get over both situations quickly once we found the 'solution' to both. The past week and a half, however, has been rough. Beyond rough. Maybe (probably) it's because I'm pregnant, but I am having a much harder time this go-round than I did the past couple of times.

Audia's been waking up 5+ times a night asking for "one more kiss and hug" or for her ocean to be turned back on or for us to fix her blanket. If we don't respond, she escalates to the point of screaming bloody murder, which in an apartment is not an option to let her do. So we have to respond to some degree, and it seems the only thing to get her to go quietly back to sleep is to do what she's asking for. I know...spoilage, right? Thing is that even if we do what she asks, she wakes up anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half later asking for something else. I am at my wits end. "They" say not to make bedtime a battle or a negative thing by getting upset or punishing, but I am really at a loss for what else to do at this point. None of us are getting the sleep we need, and the less sleep I get the less tolerant I am during the day of typical toddler misbehavior. The less sleep Audia gets, the more she misbehaves. It's an endless cycle that is essentially making me feel like I am losing my mind.

I read somewhere a while ago about how mothers (though I am sure some fathers do this, too) tend to blame their child's misbehavior on themselves but attribute good behavior to the child. Essentially, they tend not to take credit for good behavior but still blame themselves when things go awry. I certainly find this to be the case. Audia is one of the sweetest kiddos I know; she has so much love to give, and expresses it constantly. She is (most of the time) well-mannered and considerate and not to mention a total smartie pants. But I see this as her. It's who she is. But as soon as she misbehaves, I wonder what I'm doing wrong and where I can improve. And I know that all kids misbehave. I know it's just a part of learning and growing. But I still can't help but feel like I am failing at parenthood when she has an ongoing issue such as this bedtime battle we've been having. And it certainly makes me question how the heck I am going to manage TWO children.

As a side note, I must say that through it all I feel so incredibly lucky to be married to a man who is as amazingly supportive as Chris. He has been the first to get out of bed to tend to the munchkin almost every night, regardless of the fact that he has work the next day. Every evening and for a good portion of our weekends, he essentially takes over parenting duties to give me a break. And he does it because he wants to, not because I've ever asked him to (I've never had to.) He fully embraces his roll as daddy. I couldn't be more proud to be married to such an amazing man.

Audia's First Haircut

So, I know I said a while ago that I was going to let Audia's hair grow until she was old enough to ask for a haircut herself. I truly had full intentions of following that; personally I think little girls with long hair are adorable, and I had one terrible haircut for my entire toddlerhood; one that it took years to grow out to looking "normal." That said, Audia's hair was very fine and curly when she was born. Now, it is a bit thicker and straight. The past couple of months, the fine curly ends have been a total nightmare to comb through (though I must say, completely adorable when they were tamed!), creating a huge daily battle between Audia and me just to get her hair detangled. So, Chris and I decided that we needed to at least get the ends trimmed off.

After doing a bunch of research online for places that cut kids hair, I figured Kids Hair would be the best option, especially for something as simple as a trim. I didn't want bangs or a bob or layers...just cut off the darn curls so that her hair will stop giving us so much trouble! We figured a kids hair place would be best because hey, they work with kids every day and there are tvs with kids shows and toys and suckers to distract them, and mainly that they would know what they're doing. You think they'd, at the very least, know how to interact with a child, right? Yeah, that was my reasoning too.

We made her appointment for this weekend so that we could both be there. We went 10 minutes early so she could see the other kids getting their hair cut and have a chance to take it all in. Unfortunately for us, the guy who was going to cut her hair apparently knows nothing about children, or at least toddlers. When they called her name, I told him right away that this was her first haircut. We walk back to the chair and he, without even so much as saying "hi" to Audia or introducing himself, picks her up out of Chris' arms and puts her in the barber seat. Audia, of course, flips out and practically launches herself out of the chair, back into Chris' arms, screaming and crying that she wants to go home. We gave her a few minutes to calm down, but to no avail. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with the stylist after that, and who could blame her?

Long story short, I did it myself. After we got home, I searched you tube videos on how to cut kids hair, went out and bought some barber shears, and went for it. And, I must say, it went a lot better than I expected! She sat still the ENTIRE time, thanks to Toy Story, and I think it looks pretty darn good for someone who's never cut hair before. Now, here's hoping we can make it another two and a half years without a haircut!

Callen James

So, we finally decided on a name! Choosing a boy's name was a lot harder for us than choosing a girls name. Chris liked names that I was so-so on and visa versa. It kind of felt like we'd never agree on anything! I know there are a lot of people who like to wait until the baby is born and see what he or she looks like before deciding on a name. I am obviously not one of those people. Babies change so so quickly in what they look like; I think that whatever name you decide on, you impart upon the child. That said, it was quite a relief when we found a name we both really liked. I am not even sure how we came up with it; it isn't on any baby names list that I've seen; we were just discussing names we liked and didn't like and why and it popped up. So Callen he is!

Here is a side-by-side comparison of me at 24 weeks with Audia (with my dear friend Shaunie, who is also preggers right now! So exciting!) and at 24 weeks with Callen.

Obviously I was a LOT heavier when I was pregnant with Audia (not to mention the TERRIBLE haircut. Don't get me started on that!) I still have not yet reached the weight I was at at my 8 week appointment with Audia....this is a very good thing in many ways: Obviously it's a lot easier on my body, I don't have to watch what I eat as carefully, I can move around a lot more easily, and I can actually still wear my rings! But, it is also a little frustrating because I have to buy all new maternity clothes this time around.... something I admittedly rue doing. I hate spending money on something I know I'll only be able to wear for 5 or 6 more months. I am the type of person who wears my clothes out (I still wear t-shirts from middle school as pajama tops!), so buying something that I can't really get much use out of irks me. And do you know how hard it is to find maternity pants with a 34" or 36" inseam?? Bah.

I'll be 25 weeks tomorrow, and as of right now things are going pretty smoothly. I still get out of breath and tired a lot more easily than I'm used to, and there are of course the usual aches and pains especially when I've been out and about quite a bit, but for the most part things are great. Callen is much more active at this point than either Chris or I remember Audia being. When he moves around, you can almost always see it, and sometimes he kicks so hard that it actually makes me gasp. Considering how strong Audia was when she was born, I have to admit I am a bit worried as to what Callen's capabilities will be when he is born. Fingers crossed he isn't crawling by 4 months or something crazy like that!

*UPDATE* Some people have asked why we chose James as a middle name. Both Chris and his father have James as a middle name, just like both my mom and I have the same middle name. It only made sense that since Audia shares our middle name, Callen should share theirs :-)

Craft Monster

If you know me fairly well IRL, you already know that I am a bit of a craft fiend. I could literally spend an entire day at a craft store if you let me. I don't claim to be very good at any particular craft, but the beauty of crafting is you really don't NEED to be perfect. Imperfection is what makes a piece special and personal, and I certainly think that nothing is better than a gift that is made for YOU; one that really comes from the heart.

While I pretty much always have some sort of knitting project going (below is a photo of the blanket I've been working on for Callen), the past few weeks I've tried a couple of new types of projects, and I've been extremely pleased with the outcomes.
I bought a 5 pack of white onesies on sale before we knew for sure that Callen was a boy, and decided to try my hand at hand-made appliques. I didn't follow any instructions; I just bought some double-sided fusible web, scraps of different fabric, and drew out a couple of basic animal shapes I wanted to try. It was super simple to do (aside from the tedious hand-sewing I did around the edges), and really is such a great way to personalize an otherwise boring article of clothing. Audia, of course, saw the onesies and wanted one too, so I appliqued one of her shirts for her.

These are votive candle holders that I decorated with tissue paper and glue mixed with water. I found the 'how to' here, and had to try it. It is super easy and totally fun!

I hope that I can share my love of crafts someday with Audia and Callen. Though, admittedly, even if they aren't into them, it won't damper my interest any. Once a craft monster, always a craft monster!

Cooking with Audia

Audia's favorite thing to play these days is "cooking show." She got a play kitchen for Christmas, which I think helped to kick it off. Then, we caught the end of "30 minute meals" on the Food Network a few weeks ago. Now she regularly asks to watch cooking shows on TV (but, amusingly enough, only if a woman is doing the cooking....she has no interest in watching Jaime Oliver or Bobby Flay), she always asks Chris to help him cook dinner, and she plays "cooking show" withboth Chris and I pretty much every single day. Basically, she cooks things and tells us what she's doing while she's doing it. We get to watch. She almost always makes up funny names for the things she's cooking, the most common being "Diego," "Biego," and "Fondo." Here are some photos of her in action.

Sweet Moments

While being a stay at home mom is certainly not like some year-round vacation (have you ever picked up your living room four times in one day, only to have it still look like a bomb exploded when you settle down for the night? Or done three loads of dishes in one day and still have a pile of dirty dishes waiting for you the next morning?), it is certainly a decision that I at no moment regret or question. We've made a lot of sacrifices in order to make it work, but there are so many special moments that I get to experience that I worry many daycare-kids parents may miss out on. Below are a few of those moments I cherish so much.

A few days ago, while watching "Charlotte's Web" (per her request!), Audia asked why Wilbur was so sad. When I told her he was sad because he had to live on a different farm than Fern, she replied "Well, we should make him happy! Maybe we should give him a hug."

Yesterday, while we were building a castle with her duplos, Audia suddenly gave me a huge bear hug and said to me "I just want you to know that I will love you forever and ever." She has such a sweet, tender heart.

Every morning, between 6:30 and 7:30, Audia wakes up and comes into our bedroom to crawl into bed, snuggle up to me, hold my hand, and sleep until 8 or 9. Those little tiny cherub hands holding so tightly onto mine as she sleeps peacefully melt my heart every morning.

Last night, while we were having song and cuddle time before bed, baby was super active so I placed Audia's hand on my belly and said "Let's see if you can feel the baby kick." He, of course, stopped the second I put her hand on my belly, and after a couple of minutes I said "I think he went to sleep. I'm sorry, honey. We can try again tomorrow, ok?" Her reply was "Thank you for letting me feel the baby, Mommy!"

Exciting News

We had our anatomy ultrasound today, and to our delight (but not our surprise,) discovered that we are indeed having a little boy! Chris and I couldn't be more thrilled to have our suspicions confirmed. I have always hoped for at least one of each, and to have that come to fruition with our first two children is fantastic. That isn't to say there will or won't be more children to come....we are taking it one kid at a time :-)

Our little dude is healthy as can be, and aside from his legs (which are a week and 3 days "ahead of the curve") is measuring perfectly normally for my due date. Now we just have to pick a name for him! I will admit that we are having a much more difficult time finding boy names that we like than we did finding girl names, but there are a couple we've been discussing and we still have a while to figure that out.

This pregnancy has seemed to FLY by compared to my pregnancy with Audia. I cannot believe that I am already past the halfway point! Having a toddler to keep us busy and preoccupied has a lot to do with that, I am sure! This pregnancy has also been quite a bit easier on my figure and on my appearance; I was already overweight when I got pregnant with Audia, so when I started to get bloated and gain weight, I ballooned out like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. This time around, I was at a MUCH healthier weight to begin with (38 lbs lighter!) and my weight gain seems to be slower, and thankfully pretty much sticking to my belly. I also have experienced quite a bit less acne this time, though that may be due to the acne regimen that I've been using for a bit over a year now.

We are so excited to meet our little guy! And Audia still (thankfully!) seems really excited to be a big sister. If any of you have any suggestions for unique/unusual boy baby names, I'm all ears!