Christmas and Other Things

Christmas has been lovely this year. It's been quite a bit different with the new addition; planning meals and opening of gifts around nap schedules and bedtime rituals. But overall, it's been very nice. Spending time relaxing (for the most part) with my parents, Chris, and Audia has been enjoyable.

It's also been a bit stressful (as I know it is for many). Not the holiday itself so much as the time spent out here in MN. Mostly because I find myself being stretched a bit thin; my desire to please everyone is, quite simply put, completely impossible to achieve this year. And I find myself having to explain over and over to various people that it is difficult for me to guarantee I'll be able to do anything, or to go out, or to hang out for more than a couple hours at a time. My daughter's schedule is first and foremost in my life, and I am completely devoted to making sure that she is as happy and healthy and well rested and well fed as humanly possible. I in no way mean to suggest that other people are less important to me than they once were; they are not. However, my daughter's needs come first. They have since she was conceived, and they will forever more. This means that if she happens to need a nap when a social event is scheduled, I will either be late or skip entirely that social event. If she needs to be changed when I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone, I will abruptly put that conversation on hold to tend to her needs. No person is less important to me than they were prior to her birth, but she is the most important person in my life. I do my best to be gracious if guests are over and I do need to get up and go in the other room to feed her or change her or rock her to sleep, but I still feel guilty and I do get tired of having to explain myself. I am getting to the point where I am feeling as though being socially active at this stage in Audia's life is more trouble than it is worth. I am confident that my real friends will be there when I come out of my social hibernation. I only hope I'm right.<